| Name |
Elvira (Mistress of the Darkerside) |
| My page |
What I thought was funny |
| My URL |
http://www.zyn.de/autoren/elvira |
| Led here by |
E-mail from friend |
| Location |
Frankfurt, Germany (home of the insane) |
| Comments |
Dear Mil,
I always thought, no one understands women as well as I do since - at least since the last check-up - I am one myself. And let me guess: even though .. or you would say: "precisely because" you studied for years this single schwäbisch specimen, you know women less and less. For tech-freaks something like this is called tangential feed. Or maybe not, who am I to know something about engeneering?!
Since years I am trying to give men on the brink (ready to jump) answers to questions like "What do women have in their purses and what in mostly our all gods name do they do with it?". It doesn't really help them, to know that actually the girl's purse is a black hole, that catapults the little things it holds, like.. let's say its a small bag so it would be something like: the platinum Collection of Stephen Kings Books in 12 Volumes, a box of praline chocolates (also platinum size), 12 different lipsticks in the shades dark red, light red, wildberry red, strawberry red, red apples after they fell from the tree red, red with a hint of brown, red with a hint of darkbrown, red with a hint of reddish lightbrown, red with a hint... well, I see you got the hint..
But you lost the red line, right?
Alright back to the subject: all these things in a womans bermuda triangle get sucked out into the universe, where they destroy a comet, that could have brought the cure for cancer, Aids and Victoria Beckham. So it happens that you sometimes stand in line at the cashier, in front of you a women who can find everything else in her bag - her german shepherddog, her real-size replica of Robbie Williams, her hairdryer with XXL-diffuser - but her billfold. And while the line expands to the border of Timbuctu, someone behind you says "Did you hear this? I think it was a thunder!" That's how it works!
Men don't know that.
Women normally neither - it would just give you another thing to argue about - but I know. And I share.
The female nature doesn't have the same physical laws as men's. For example Mil, you wrote about Margret always driving so fast. Well, you know she does it for a reason. She saves petrol!!
Yepp!
You read me right! I may be german but I still know the meaning of saving.
Your mistrust would be absolutly understandable here, because women mostly have a diffrent affinity to the word saving. Your girlfriend comes home, both hands full of shopping bags and brags "I just saved sooo much money, honey!"
If you ask "how?" you deserve what comes next:
"I bought 3 bras at Victorias Secrets and got 4 for the same price, so with the money I saved I got a pair of shoes."
But back to the motorized saving process. When a women drives a car, the mileage doesn't calculate with km/l , it works with km/time. You don't believe me? Has it never happened to you, that you told M. "Uh, the petrol tank is almost empty" and she replied "Ooookaaaay! I'll speed up then!"?
There you go...
But this is already much more than I wanted to write. Another normal thing among women: they just get drifted away talking. Of course this has its own special reason, too. The always present situation is when your girlfriend comes home from spending a whole day with her friend Lisa. She just entered the room when she tells you "I just give Lisa a quick call to tell her I made it home alright!" (Lisa lives next door) and then she talks for three hours.
The calm kind of a man just thinks "Maybe something interesting happend on the way home" (Lisa still lives next door) or "I wonder what they have to talk about again".
The more nervous man, who has a parallel relation between the time he spends with his girlfriend and the time he shoots zombies in the head in another computergame, thinks something different:
a) "The content of the female word database must have an expiration date and must be regularily renewed, so it has to be emptied before it starts molding"
b) "There must be a worldwide vow of silence startin tomorrow that she knows of, relevant for everyone"
C) "maybe there is a reward bonus programm. collect points for every thousand words and get a porcellaine dwarf for free".
But remember, I claim, there is a reason. It is...
..oh my, look at the time. I have to run.
All I wanted to say is: I adore you! When my time comes I want to be buried in your garden. Since your house is a garden itself, please just sprinkle my ashes over the plant in the bathtub. it would give me the lonley caribean island feeling.
Thank you so much for the best entertainment I've ever read.
Take care
Elvira
and now I cant wait for my place in your FAQ :-) |
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