It's currently Midnight on Sunday, September 21st, and 6,632 guests have signed in.

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Mil says...Read the following passage and use your skill and judgment to answer the question.
   /
As Mil braves 97 (or was it 11? No) sandwiches, he reflects both on how Margret whirls using catastrophic inaccuracy and the way simple things ("You failed to mention my vacuuming delegation? You idiot!") seem inevitably to transform a mild argument about Robbie Williams into a lively argument. It had felt a run of the mill Monday as well; Margret jabs Mil with a stick until he agrees they have to stride to the shops at just gone past ten; not even worth a shrug. And now here he is with a nicked right ear. Tsk. Still, on the tenaciously bright side he has 64 tablecloths to his name, also a limp.

The place this happened? 
 
 Mil's Guestbook by Excellent Guestbooks Ltd, purveyors of things to The Weekly

Guest 6,632 signed in on Sunday, February 16th at 11:37pm
Name Brandon
Led here by Barry
Comments Are you still alive

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Guest 6,631 signed in on Friday, October 18th at 4:13pm
Name Kass James
My page Zoo city Fabrication
My URL http://www.zoocityfabrication.com
Led here by Magic
Location Greensboro, NC
Comments I've love your website for years. I'm introducing my new fiancee to it. Not sure how that's going to work out, but I'll give it a shot. We actually started with your book of the same name and progressed outward to your website. We think the website is a little better as it has photos of plants in compromising positions.

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Guest 6,630 signed in on Sunday, July 21st at 8:53pm
Name Yes
Led here by Web page
Location Vienna, Australia
Comments Try hissing "Scheiß Piefke!" at Gretchen one of those times and report back with results.
If you don't know how to pronounce that, have Google read it to you or something.

Cheers from Asia.

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Guest 6,629 signed in on Saturday, July 20th at 3:34pm
Name Tony Deadman
Led here by Search engine
Location Gunildford
Comments I have one at home. Think German culture is confusing? Try a Dane... RSM or what. The TV control looks scruffy with all the sticky tape wound round it.

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Guest 6,628 signed in on Monday, June 17th at 6:05pm
Name Dawn Morris
Led here by Magic
Location Arizona, United States
Comments I think I'm in love with you... Absolutely love your site! It never fails to crack me up! I ran across your book at my local public library a couple of months ago and have been a fan ever since. :-)

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Guest 6,627 signed in on Monday, April 29th at 7:57pm
Name imfedup
Led here by Magic
Location United States
Comments Laughing and crying at the same time. Your relationship with Margret sounds like my relationship in reverse (I am female). Last night he accused me of setting his phone to receive emergency alerts (we are in the U.S. and he had received an "Amber Alert," which is a child abduction alert). I told him I had not. Why would I do that? He said that I must have, because he did not do it. I told him I did not like being accused of doing something I had not, he said he had not accused me of anything, and he walked out.

I found out this morning that our government has implemented a new wireless emergency services system, and when I showed him the webpage and told him that he should not have accused me of messing with his phone, we got into an argument over the definition of "accusation." He even sent me a screen shot from the online dictionary and said that since I had not done anything illegal, he had not accused me of anything.

God help me, and you too, apparently.

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Guest 6,626 signed in on Monday, March 18th at 4:03am
Name Alex
Led here by Magic
Location Georgia, USA
Comments I love this. Margret is amazing. XD

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Guest 6,625 signed in on Saturday, February 16th at 3:27pm
Name sinister agent
My page Lonely as a Mushroom Cloud
My URL http://www.lonelymushroom.com
Led here by Barry
Location London
Comments I sent you an email the first time I read this site and I was 16. I am now almost thirty.

Fortunately I have learned nothing in the intervening period, and thus have nothing profound, intelligent, or even vaguely coherent to say about it. This is surely a victory for our kind.

Is it time that I attempt to accept that the weekly will not, in fact, return?

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Guest 6,624 signed in on Tuesday, January 29th at 3:45pm
Name James
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location United Kingdom
Comments Absolutely fantastic. I've just read the whole page in the past two days and I thoroughly enjoy your turn of phrase. I fear my own personal recountings of anything which happens to me will now feel comparatively dreary.

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Guest 6,623 signed in on Monday, December 24th at 3:48am
Name adam
Led here by Coincidence
Location rugby
Comments First time i have laughed this hard in a good 25 minutes.

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Guest 6,622 signed in on Friday, December 21st at 1:27pm
Name Shaharris
My page hackernest.com
My URL http://hackernest.com
Led here by Coincidence
Location Toronto, Ontario
Comments Brilliant. <3

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Guest 6,621 signed in on Tuesday, August 7th at 9:32pm
Name Jessica Bradbury
Led here by Magic
Location Wirral
Comments Urgh. Just realised I wrote yours instead of your. I can spell, honestly.

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Guest 6,620 signed in on Tuesday, August 7th at 9:29pm
Name Jessica Bradbury
Led here by Magic
Location Wirral
Comments Visited the page after Marina Groves lent me one of yours books. Immediately forwarded the website address to my beloved exclaiming "oh my god, this is actually us". What is love if not the ability to continue to find joy in the company of somebody who drives you completely and astonishingly nuts?

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Guest 6,619 signed in on Friday, July 6th at 8:36pm
Name Rob Simmons
Led here by Hot tip from a stranger in a bar
Location France
Comments There's a lot of truth in what you say, Mil. Your way of saying it, though, is nothing short of eloquent. Wonderful stuff, and I must stop reading it at work.

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Guest 6,618 signed in on Tuesday, July 3rd at 12:49pm
Name Jay
Led here by Web page
Location South Dakota, USA
Comments I was led here from Reddit as well, and I would very much like to extend my gratitude to you for causing me to need to - on multiple occasions - stifle my laughter so as not to wake up my roommate as I stayed up way too late reading your hilarious accounts. I really enjoyed the website, have signed up for the mailing list, and hope to buy/ask for at least one of your books in the future. Thanks for the unabashed, wonderful humor, Mil!

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Guest 6,617 signed in on Thursday, June 21st at 1:50am
Name brian
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Paradise, California
Comments Mil- Though I'm on Comcast, my gmail address recived a confirmation from your mailing list. Just to be clear, Chris Moore is not my friend--I'm just another fan. He has helped me find humourous things to read by replying to my twats?, tweets? twits? Whatever the Twitter people call what they do. I don't. Except to thank authors.

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Guest 6,616 signed in on Saturday, June 16th at 2:49am
Name Tim
Led here by Web page
Location Holland
Comments Not ever have I seen someone describe these seemingly mundane actions which such creative and incredibly funny sarcasm as you do. I'm stunned by your literacy!

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Guest 6,615 signed in on Saturday, June 16th at 1:28am
Name Brian
Led here by E-mail from friend
Location Paradise, CA,USA (Sierra Nevada Mountains
Comments Actually, led here by Chris Moore, another p/t 'Wacky Californian'. Another wacky author... Except he lives on the fault line I used to live on. I expect to have ocean-front property, shortly, up here in the Sierras. Left the SF Bay Area right before the last earthquake.
Did you know you made my day when I read your stuff? Thought not.
Please keep it up, and put me on your mailing list...When I try, it keeps asking questions I can't fathom. And never gives me an email confirmation.
Help me, now. Or is this a British brush-off?
Thanks,
Brian

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Guest 6,614 signed in on Sunday, June 10th at 12:56pm
Name Tim
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Gold Coast, Australia
Comments Thanks for this. Hilarious.
This catapults you into the same league as the great English humorists which is rarified company indeed.

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Guest 6,613 signed in on Saturday, June 9th at 7:17pm
Name Michael
Led here by Hot tip from a stranger in a bar
Location Fort Collins, CO
Comments Thanks for the laughs.

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Guest 6,612 signed in on Saturday, June 9th at 6:06pm
Name Michael Lamarra
My page Logan's Power Short Film
My URL http://www.loganspowerfilm.com
Led here by Barry
Location New York, NY
Comments Barry told me about this on reddit.com
They love you there!

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ussxr/hey_reddit_whats_the_best_hidden_thing_you_have/c4y9g75

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Guest 6,611 signed in on Saturday, June 9th at 3:37pm
Name Gregg
Led here by Web page
Location New York City
Comments The link to your publisher's website doesn't work properly.

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Guest 6,610 signed in on Friday, May 25th at 8:33pm
Name Gaines Weaver
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Downsouthaways, The Colonies
Comments Long time fan, but thought I'd check in to share a blog post from a woman whose stories reminded me of yours. http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

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Guest 6,609 signed in on Sunday, April 22nd at 11:48am
Name Jackie
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Vienna
Comments No, the local library gave away their old copy of tmgaihaa and i rescued it and then loved it, and it mentioned the website. I have been with the same guy for 18 years and wish we always had your sense of humor about the arguments, which are every bit as -um, intelligent? Worthy of adults? On a more serious note, I think your message is wholesome because way too many people seem to give up on their loves just because they're arguing so much, viz. soaring divorce rates. Arguing in itself is not the problem, folks :-)

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Guest 6,608 signed in on Saturday, April 14th at 10:38am
Name Jason Harman
Led here by Search engine
Location Hamburg
Comments Dear Mil, which comic writers do you read?
I've just finished "Instructions" and have gifted my wife the German version.

Cheers,
Jason (from Hamburg)

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Guest 6,607 signed in on Saturday, April 14th at 10:20am
Name Jason Harman
Led here by Search engine
Location Hamburg
Comments Hi Mil,
I've been through all your published stuff: Things,Certain, Love, Instructions (have I missed one?) and I need to confess: since reading you I can't pick up another comedy writer without puffing out my cheeks in ennuiness. This means my booklist consists purely of biographies and German history tomes. I need your help: can you tell me what brilliant comedy writers you read?

By the way, I've just gifted my wife the German version of Things & Instructions. She's German.

Cheers,
Jason (from Hamburg)

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Guest 6,606 signed in on Thursday, April 12th at 6:56am
Name Cameron Basham
Led here by Coincidence
Location Los Angeles, CA
Comments I googled "contradictory" and you were the third link. Your relationship seems almost exactly like what mine would have been if I had married my ex.

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Guest 6,605 signed in on Wednesday, March 28th at 6:46pm
Name John Robinson
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location the east coast of the middle section of the United States
Comments I've dropped in now and again, and just wanted to say that it's nice to find somebody who feels that their honey is as adorable as I feel mine is. I see too many people who don't. My best to you, your lovely and impossible girlfriend and your kids, and just as a thought, you could do what I did when my wife kept trying to immortalize my naked body on film - get grossly fat and repulsive-looking. It hasn't stopped her, but it has slowed both of us down.

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Guest 6,604 signed in on Tuesday, March 6th at 6:55pm
Name Travis
My page ...
My URL http://...
Led here by Magic
Location Living Room
Comments I have to say that you are a creative genius. Your work is the greatest work of art I have seen. Since I am an American.. or Yankee.. my sense of entitlement for everything free demands that you send me a free copy of all your books, along with health care and food. This will allow me to buy an outrageous and impractical car to part in front of my low income home.

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Guest 6,603 signed in on Monday, February 13th at 12:58am
Name Stacy
Led here by Magic
Location Sachse, Texas
Comments I just wanted to say that I am from the states, the biggest and proudest one at that, and I think "Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About" is absolutely hilarious! To explain to my boyfriend why I was laughing so hard, I read at little bit of it aloud to him. Nothing. Not a chuckle, nor smile, or even a grimace. Instead, he said, "You always did like British humor."

You are a very gifted writer.

One of the few well-read, non-idiots from the states,

Stacy

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Guest 6,602 signed in on Saturday, February 11th at 2:49am
Name William
Led here by Hot tip from a stranger in a bar
Location Kansas
Comments Funny stuff man, mission accomplished.

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Guest 6,601 signed in on Monday, January 23rd at 10:53pm
Name Emma
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location australia
Comments mil, i started reading your page at around lunch time yesterday and between repeating sentences that i must have said in french the first time over to my partner, trying to instill the basics of logic to the 6 year old, and kissing my unhumanly cute daughter, 24 hours later i have read the whole thing. i think i shall be seing blue for the next few days. very funny, so funny i had to interrupt my partners wranting about work several times to read him the funnier parts out loud, even though he was definatly not interested in what i was doing, nor having any inclination to hear humourus storeys from some stupid blue internet page...
anyway, i googled david thorne and that's how i found you - your name is linked to his on wikipedia, and i should very much like to join your mailing list.

i would buy your books, but my partner drains our bank accounts, and i only have the hoard of cash i take off him at regular intervals, like when ever he happens to come home with money after making a purchase.

thankyou very much for the laugh.

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Guest 6,600 signed in on Friday, January 20th at 5:37am
Name Ben Cannon
Led here by Coincidence
Location London, good old England
Comments Love the site, me and the girlfriend stumbled upon it while trying to settle an argument(!) and read through it, and were inspired to have one or two of our own due to one side or another, and we've signed up for the mailing list (well, I have, she's still ranting about toenails) Looking forward to updates!

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Guest 6,599 signed in on Thursday, January 12th at 11:29am
Name Gregory Galstad
Led here by E-mail from friend
Comments Why did it take me so long to find this page? It must be because I'm an American, or stuck under a rock, or working, or all of the above. Regardless there is one or more less memos in the world at this time because I found your site. Even my wife agrees that you are the root cause of Margaret's 'insanity' much as I am the cause of her's. Thanks. I'm on the mailing list.

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Guest 6,598 signed in on Wednesday, January 11th at 11:24pm
Name Julia Crowe
Led here by E-mail from friend
Location Ireland
Comments So incredibly funny, and extremely reminiscent of my mother.. Who is a completely irrational French woman. I understand your pain, and join you in the moments that are pure genius. The language barrier brings many the good time to our home, as I'm sure it does to you :P

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Guest 6,597 signed in on Wednesday, January 11th at 8:12pm
Name Clarence Maier
Led here by Magic
Location Lansdale PA
Comments From a 90 year old. Simply delightful! I found you in STUMBLEUPON. Thank you cp

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Guest 6,596 signed in on Monday, January 9th at 9:37am
Name asha
Led here by Search engine
Location USA
Comments Hilarious! Haven't laughed out loud like this in ages. Not just a giggle either- real belly shaking laughs. You should compile this into a book.
Thanks for sharing!

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Guest 6,595 signed in on Monday, January 2nd at 1:01pm
Name DB
Led here by Web page
Location Scotland
Comments TVtropes brought me here, I believe!
(Had to think and work out how I'd stumbled across this..)
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther]

Felt the need to say that I found this absolutely hilarious and adore the witty language and such.
Time well-wasted :)
Thank you!

I also read the FAQ and found that an extra source of amusement...
If I were a twenty-two year old woman with jet black hair, I would definitely considering sending you 20 or 30 pictures of myself naked; only one with a goat.

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Guest 6,594 signed in on Friday, December 23rd at 6:39pm
Name Andy
Led here by Newspaper, magazine, etc
Location Germany
Comments Super writing style. One of the best things to do while avoiding to do real work. Comparable to the BOfH.

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Guest 6,593 signed in on Thursday, December 22nd at 6:35am
Name Taylor
Led here by Coincidence
Comments So I have to know, is your everyday speech similar to your prose and if so, does a significant fraction of your countrymen share your lingual abilities? I would like to imagine my first trip to England will be rather like drinking your porter after a lifetime of drinking our pilsners, except with ears and brains instead of taste buds, but I am beginning to worry (despite three data points being theoretically sufficient to construct a student T confidence interval) that you, John Cleese, and the late Douglas Adams do not altogether form a representative and statistically robust sample of Briton communication.

I've tried to think of other reasons to go, but prostitution is legal in Nevada and I've even figured out how to get marmite over here.

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Guest 6,592 signed in on Saturday, December 17th at 9:10pm
Name Samantha
Led here by Web page
Location California
Comments You are a delightfully funny writer. I thoroughly enjoyed spending several hours (hours that could have been productive, mind you) reading about your trials and tribulations with Margret. She seems like quite a character. Thank you for the laughs! Best wishes for your life ahead :)

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Guest 6,591 signed in on Wednesday, December 14th at 6:52am
louise sought a private audience with Mil for a secret talk, but in a way that's drawn everyone's attention to it.

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Guest 6,590 signed in on Tuesday, December 13th at 10:08pm
Name steve
Led here by Barry
Location Australia
Comments Loved the Christmas message and photo. Huge fan.

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Guest 6,589 signed in on Sunday, December 11th at 5:28pm
Name Mike
Led here by Search engine
Location Alaska
Comments Just awesome! Loved reading all of it! A lot of what you wrote made me shake my head in agreement. Wonderful job!!!

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Guest 6,588 signed in on Thursday, December 1st at 11:20pm
Name Vivien
Led here by Hot tip from a stranger in a bar
Location Canada!
Comments :) Your page gave me endless chuckles! I hope you and Margret stay happy and in love forever and ever. Thanks for the laughs, and best wishes in life!

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Guest 6,587 signed in on Tuesday, November 29th at 1:32am
Name Clarion CX 501
My URL http://clarion-cx-501.com
Led here by Search engine
Comments what a gas...i truly enjoyed your arguments. have a cold one bro (in the garage preferably)...

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Guest 6,586 signed in on Sunday, November 27th at 11:46pm
Name Juli
Led here by Magic
Location Texas
Comments OH MAI GOD I CANT BELIEVE U SAID ALL THAT ABOUT THE GAY TEXAS PPL ILL HAVE U KNOW THAHT SOME OF US ARE STRAIT AND DONT INGAGE IN GAY SEX U PERV!!!!1

*Cough* Whoa, I don't know where that came from. Anyways, good job with the blog and all, very funny, greetings from Texas.

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Guest 6,585 signed in on Thursday, November 24th at 12:31pm
Name DR. TERRORIST
My page dazboy9@gmail.com
My URL http://www.JOKE.com
Led here by E-mail from idiot partner
Location unknown
Comments you are sad
0

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Guest 6,584 signed in on Thursday, November 24th at 12:31am
Name Jasmin
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Quebec, Canada
Comments I haven't laughed so hard in awhile! Reading your anecdotes is like hearing about my parents' day-to-day activities but as acted out by strangers. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and in need to go home and argue with the boyfriend (to show how much I care, you know).

All the best to you and yours!

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Guest 6,583 signed in on Saturday, November 19th at 9:04pm
Name Kathy
Led here by Web page
Location Maryland, USA
Comments I found this oddly enough, through Tosh.O and have stopped reading since. I like it! It's funny and gives me a the justification I need to be alone the rest of my life as I'm only 21 now. Thanks!!

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Guest 6,582 signed in on Thursday, November 17th at 5:08am
Name Kevin
Led here by Magic
Location arizona (usa)
Comments This was exactly what I needed to distract me from rote memorization of medical terminology. I thank you deeply and profoundly from my slightly sprained chuckling core for your work.

Third thing that stumbleupon spat at me after a 16 hour cram session, my eyes, they are red. My blood, laced with the taint of coffee, but my soul? has been rejuvenated my you, an angel of laughter.

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Guest 6,581 signed in on Wednesday, November 16th at 12:31am
Name Joseph
Led here by Search engine
Comments Although the page is hilarious, I am sometimes made disheartened by the certain loathsome tasks you are forced to perform by your significant other.

Is the happiness of togetherness worth the misery of being forced to do things which you would not do if you were single?
I sincerely hope so.

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Guest 6,580 signed in on Monday, November 7th at 1:09pm
Name Jane
Led here by Barry
Comments Why is she still your girlfriend? Marry her already! You sound like you're all married there, anyway - my husband and I fight about almost everything like this :) so I should know what a married couple sound like.....

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Guest 6,579 signed in on Friday, November 4th at 3:53pm
Name Jonathan Grant
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location London, UK
Comments Does Margret have a sister?

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Guest 6,578 signed in on Tuesday, November 1st at 1:50pm
Name glen
My page glen.org
My URL http://glen.org
Led here by Coincidence
Comments my wife is from another country. and shes also female. i cried and blew my nose twice. so are so FF! i was hoping, after a few minutes, youd turn out to be a writer. sure enough there's a book i will absolutely buy at the bottom of the page. great great writing. hope to meet you someday!

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Guest 6,577 signed in on Tuesday, November 1st at 8:17am
Name Claude L.
Led here by Coincidence
Comments Apparently, my keyboard decided to omit an "e" somewhere in my last comment. Has Margret been using my computer lately? :o

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Guest 6,576 signed in on Tuesday, November 1st at 8:13am
Name Claude
Led here by Coincidence
Location North Bay, ON Canada
Comments Instead of drifting off to sleep once I was done my homework for the night, I somehow happened across your page. I can't recall just how, as my brain is exhausted from the non-stop chuckling it has been subjected to. Thanks for that. The loss of sleep and the sore cheek muscles... As soon as I have enough money, I plan to buy your books and use them to slap sense into stupid people (aka your "idiots"). "Why?" you might ask. Well, because nobody has yet invented my big, red, Staples-esque "Smack-an-idiot-upside-the-head" mergency button. :D
On a more not-so-serious note, thank you for the amazingly entertaining and hilarious read. Also, thanks to Margret for being a rare breed who seems to enjoy an argument instead of merely stating "Get out..." at the slightest sign of a disagreement. Who needs an ostrich for a girlfriend, eh? :P
I'm now off to become one of your Mailing Listers...

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Guest 6,575 signed in on Tuesday, October 25th at 5:35pm
Name Lilibeth
Led here by Search engine
Location Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
Comments love it all. reminds me of myself sometimes.

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Guest 6,574 signed in on Sunday, October 23rd at 6:14pm
Name Evie
Led here by Coincidence
Location UK
Comments Made me laugh. Unfortunately for you, I can see her side of most of this...

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Guest 6,573 signed in on Saturday, October 22nd at 11:32pm
Name Haley
Led here by Coincidence
Location Kansas
Comments As a young woman who considers herself a fairly reasonable human, I hope to never exhibit the infuriating tendencies of your girlfriend. However, as a young woman I can only hope I will find someone with as much tolerance, good-natured ease and devotion as you seem to possess when dealing with the asinine behaviors I most undoubtedly have, but have yet to be identified.

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Guest 6,572 signed in on Friday, October 7th at 8:17pm
Name Maxine
Led here by E-mail from idiot partner
Location UK
Comments My partner thought that I should read these as apparently and I quote here, " You are just like her" after reading through these (hilarious in my opinion)vocal encouragement posts!
I concur that I am in fact a younger and Scottish version of Margaret and that she is absolutely wonderful and correct in everything she says ;)

P.S I now have a new thing to add to my list of "Things my boyfriend and I argue about"... commenting on Mil's mail, thank you, we really did need some new material * rolls eyes*

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Guest 6,571 signed in on Thursday, October 6th at 1:49pm
Name Shawn Brockway
My URL http://www.youtube.com/user/ukeyermind
Led here by Magic
Location Indianapo.lis
Comments Received with pleasure your most recent Mail List Mail #53. I don't want you to worry about the Facebook - I spammed the link all over the place, so you're more than welcome.

I appreciated the invitation to purchase six of your four novels on e-book. This offer arrived the same day as an offer to purchase 15 titles by Roald Dahl for £15.99.

What to do, what to do?

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Guest 6,570 signed in on Thursday, October 6th at 5:26am
Name Chin Zang
Led here by Barry
Location Asia
Comments You very funny man.

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Guest 6,569 signed in on Thursday, October 6th at 12:59am
Name celia
Led here by Coincidence
Location Minnowsoda
Comments Sad or not one of my (RL) friends posted a link to your page on facebook.

If getting a cell phone trashes your rights, actively participating in fb certainly qualifies for a place in a death march.

anyway, love the comments and plan to look for your books.

you have a great way of capturing the insanity of relationships that entertains and rings true (yes, I am married for 22+ years and while it may be an American thing, it keeps the paperwork and tax filings tidier).

do you ever think the world would be a different place if more folks heard the love in your voice?

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Guest 6,568 signed in on Friday, September 16th at 6:27am
Name Jessica
Led here by Web page
Location Australia
Comments Hello from Australia...I found you months ago through stumbleupon...and just stumbledupon you again...Have read everything on the site and love it all...Also just added myself to the mailing list as want to hear more...So get cracking and send out some mail =P Hope all is well...Can't wait to hear about some new adventure

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Guest 6,567 signed in on Friday, September 16th at 4:43am
Name naciak
Led here by Search engine
Location Everywhere
Comments google told me to search for: "women make me drink too much and smash things up" and it was first on the list ;) i wasn't expecting this but this was weird/funny/entertaining/so much better so thanks. i am not google obsessed person!

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Guest 6,566 signed in on Friday, September 9th at 10:38pm
Name Evan
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Comments You know, you're hilarious.

I dated a woman like that for a while, a few months. Thinking, nah, can't keep it up, surely she'll give up when she realizes that she can't control me or hurt me.

Nope. Turns out her dad was psycho verbally abusive and her mom was manipulative and a liar, she got the best of both. It did not improve with time.

Long story short, this is the mostly accurate dialogue of our breakup.
(I didn't record it or anything, but had to recount it to so many people that day that it's an almost word for word memory, it caused that many delays, and one hospital trip.)

Me: "Alright, well, I'm heading home now, it's time for dinner. See you."
Her: "You always leave when things get tough."
(Note, we had been quietly listening to music together for the previous 30 minutes, making jokes, and laughing.)
Me: "What? I'm going to make dinner, ciao for now." *goes and puts shoes on*
Her: "You don't want to see me, FINE."
(Note: I'd been there for 6 hours.)
Me: "... It's not that, I've been here for hours and now it's time for me to go home, I told you this when I got here. Anyways, goodnight." *Opens door and heads out.*
Her: "You're just trying to have the last word! You always start fights right before you go!"
Me: "... Got to be kidding me... We'll talk after dinner, I've made a promise."
Her: "What happened to that watch I gave you?"
Me: "What? It broke when we were hiking, you were there and laughed because I fell on it, remember? Anyways..."
Her: "F*** you! You probably pawned it you piece of S***!"
Me: "No, and this is off-topic and delaying me, I promised I'd be there. Like I do for you too, I keep my promises, bye."
*I head out the door*

At this point. I s*** you not, she goes into her kitchen and comes out, then THROWS A TOASTER AT ME.

After I stop swearing and get back up on my feet, I told her in not so politically correct terms "F*** I'm bleeding. We're over, completely, have a good life. Oh, and F*** you very much for the toaster! (I take it with me.)
*mumbling* F***ing B****.
Her: "Yeah!? Well I was gonna break up with you ANYWAYS!!"

Hence the rest of my day being held up while my eyebrow was stitched up.

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Guest 6,565 signed in on Monday, July 4th at 6:38am
Name Celerian
My page Sweet Apathy
My URL http://www.sweetapathy.net
Led here by Web page
Location Ohio
Comments Mil, I was talking to some online friends of mine tonight and your name got brought up (in regards to how much one of the individuals resembles you, even though he denies it, but he certainly does) and I was compelled (ok, I was told) that I should leave a message on your guestbook. I'm not sure what else to say, except that your last mailing was much too short, and seems so long ago. Oh Mil, we miss you, won't you please write some more funny thing about your girlfriend and/or children and/or favorite foods and/or poor television commentary. I've seriously run out of ancedotes to read and now I am forced to do actual work whilst at work. You see the dilemma I am in, of course. It has been 7 months now, and I'm actually being rather productive. I hate it!

My best to you, Margret and the rest of the family. Hope everyone is well.

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Guest 6,564 signed in on Tuesday, June 28th at 3:41am
Name Brandon
Led here by Search engine
Location Vancouver
Comments I now feel your pain. I've been dating a girl from Ukraine for just over a year; I'm Canadian. We've had clashes over just about everything! It certainly keeps the relationship from stagnating.

Anyways, I read your first book years ago, lost it, and recently picked it up again. Fascinating stuff. Your following two are also great reads. I'm trying to find your fourth book, but it's not stocked in our local book store chain, probably because you're British. My dad's British. I know how you people operate. So I may be forced to order it off Amazon.

Keep writing. It inspires me to write, even if I barely have time anymore because of crazy Eastern block girlfriends, school life, and other nonsense. Also, I've been waiting for another mail for awhile. What on earth are you doing nowadays?

- Brandon

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Guest 6,563 signed in on Monday, June 27th at 1:25am
Name GalenaGalaxian
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location Toronto
Comments Actually my niece in Calgary recommended it on facebook
I read parts of it to my husband, he just kept nodding

he has got the kiwi cutting wrong too, also the kitkat, you are both hopeless

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Guest 6,562 signed in on Sunday, June 5th at 4:02am
Name Bryan
Led here by Coincidence
Location Valpo, Indiana, USA
Comments Your website currently states:
"So far
5,802,067
people have visited this site. Generally on their employer's time."

I feel that this is historically and statistically inaccurate. Allow me to explain.

I stumbled upon (well before StumbleUpon) this web page many, many years ago. This may or may not have been in 1995 or 1996 or 1997. It may or may not have been sooner. I remember reading it multiple times, in a time when dynamically assigned IPs actually changed. That's a mute point. My point is that, after quoting something I remember to this day as one of the classiest put-downs ever heard by my third ear (brain is a deep well of thought, fed by waters distinctly her own) to a classy-put-downs thread on Reddit, I ventured to find this page once again. I feared that this site had been lost to the annals of archive.org when searching the exact quote above revealed nothing. Alas, as I was typing "things my g...", Google, in its presumptuous tone, suggested the title in its entirety, and I began to hope again. Well, here I am, again, and I fear I may have been counted twice.

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Guest 6,561 signed in on Thursday, May 12th at 1:27pm
Name Hanna McGlynn
My page facebook
My URL http://www.facebook.com/han
Led here by Web page
Location Ireland
Comments veryy good

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Guest 6,560 signed in on Tuesday, May 10th at 8:43pm
Name Jacquolynne
Led here by E-mail from idiot partner
Comments Simply amazing Mil.

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Guest 6,559 signed in on Saturday, April 9th at 3:39am
Name Joelle
Led here by Barry
Location Massachusetts, USA
Comments I read this page and I think it's cute and amazing of you that you put up with that. It's true love.

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Guest 6,558 signed in on Monday, March 7th at 1:31pm
Shelley Clare sought a private audience with Mil for a secret talk, but in a way that's drawn everyone's attention to it.

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Guest 6,557 signed in on Tuesday, February 15th at 2:57pm
Name Jude Wilson
Led here by Barry
Location Germany
Comments Just so you know that while invigilating 2 days worth of exams for some girls going to boarding school they were inappropriately disturbed by me giggling and snorting my way through Love and other Near Death Experiences. For this I thank you but their parents maybe won't when they do not get into their prestigious schools!!

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Guest 6,556 signed in on Tuesday, February 8th at 1:03am
Name lindsay
Led here by Coincidence
Location Canada
Comments A question: is Margaret aware of this little collection of amusement for perfect strangers? I bought 3 of your books right after reading your entire website and told numerous people to look you up :)

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Guest 6,555 signed in on Tuesday, December 28th at 3:03am
Name RJ
Led here by Barry
Location US
Comments I loved this blog. I even noticed that a lot of the things that you and Margaret do, my girlfriend and I do as well. And we have had ridiculous-related fights as well. Thank you for giving me a laugh, I will definitely be wanting some of your books! :)

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Guest 6,554 signed in on Monday, December 27th at 11:39am
Name Jared
Led here by Web page
Location US - AZ
Comments I feel like I have been arguing with Margaret all night now and I have never even met her! Let's hope it stays that way! Good luck!

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Guest 6,553 signed in on Wednesday, December 22nd at 2:11pm
Name Margaret
Led here by Coincidence
Location US
Comments Thank you for the many years of letting me idly wander by the web page and crack up repeatedly. I shall be adding your books to my wishlist so I can continue to enjoy the hilarity. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go imitate your girlfriend and wake up my boyfriend in a manner that's amusing solely to my warped mind. :D

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Guest 6,552 signed in on Monday, December 20th at 8:26am
Name Alise
Led here by Magic
Location New York
Comments I can not fathom a better way to distract myself from school obligations. I will buy the book you've advertised on the bottom of the page in homage to your wonderfully neurotic German sweetheart and read the words you've masterfully formed hilarious sentences while I poop out last nights eggplant parm.So there, I'll send you money indirectly and keep my bowels in the bowl which will be conveniently next to your book.

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Guest 6,551 signed in on Wednesday, December 8th at 4:20am
Name Meghan
Led here by Magic
Comments I read your entire page and signed up for your mail list. Your writing is hilarious. Also, it is good to have a reminder that real life is not a Disney movie, but that a person could still be satisfied with their relationships even with the arguing. Thanks for helping me avoid my work for a few hours.

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Guest 6,550 signed in on Tuesday, November 23rd at 2:36pm
Name Amy
Led here by I'm going through the whole Internet alphabetically
Location South Africa
Comments Having discovered your site yesterday, I skipped studying for super important exams to read its engaging contents. Thank you. I now know what to ask for for Christmas. You're a fantastic writer!

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