Important Survey
You may already have won an Audi A6 Coupé with free insurance for a year!

However, if you have it will not be connected at all with your doing this survey and is really quite a remarkable coincidence.

This survey, which is in no way voluntary, is to test whether men find unshaven armpits on women sexually attractive or not. Obviously, all men - apart from those with embarrassing sexual problems about which they should be rightly ashamed - will find this sign of raw, unbound sexuality erotic beyond expression. But you may find it useful to test yourself, just to prove to your own satisfaction that you're a normal man with normal needs and urges who admires a hairy pit, and not some sick freak.

The survey has been designed to be entirely impartial and is weighted for cultural differences. It is, however, only applicable to heterosexual men. If you are not an heterosexual man, are unwilling to have an operation to become one, or can not at least be one for the duration of this survey, then the results will lack validity.

OK, due to people having problems with the old email-form-rendered affair, this page has ridden a tsunami of Science and is now an all-Javascript thing that should work for everyone who has Javascript switched on. When you've filled in (or 'filled out' for Americans. Tch, really) the survey, click Submit and a new window should pop up with the results.

If you have any problems, the best way to fix them is not to mail me but to go to your local library and take out a book called 'How Computers Work'.

Step Up To The Line

  Question 1 Do you like hairy armpits on a woman? (tick one)  
    Yes, of course.

No, I was denied affection as a child and it's deformed my psychology.

Don't know. I have trouble making even the simplest decisions and all my colleagues will be promoted ahead of me.
  Question 2 Tick the photo you find most attractive in each of the following pairs.  
  (A) Attractive
  (B) Attractive
  (C) Attractive
  (D) Attractive
  (E) Attractive
  (F) Attractive
  (G) Attractive
  Question 3 The scientific reason why women have armpit hair is as a signal of sexual maturity, which is why it starts growing at puberty. Normal men, then, will react to it - or its absence - on the basis of this.

With this in mind, tick the response which is closest to your own.
    I regard hairy armpits in the same, slavering, way I regard all the other outward signs of sexual maturity in women.

I find hairy armpits unpleasant because I am only sexually attracted to pre-teen girls, and I don't care how many law enforcement agencies know about it.
  Question 4 Many famous female film stars and musicians have hairy pits. You may have picked this up subliminally. In the following pairs (one of which will be given to hirsuteness, the other not), tick the one you find most attractive.  
  (A) Madonna
Kathy Bates
  (B) Julia Roberts
Oprah Winfrey
  (C) Demi Moore
Angela Lansbury
  (D) Gillian Anderson
Chaka Khan
  (E) Milla Jovovich
Nancy Reagan
  (F) Kate Winslet
Roseanne Barr
  (G) Marisa Tomei
Anne Ramsey
  (H) Ani DiFranco
Dame Judi Dench
(Analysis pops up in new window)
Questionnaire designed by Excellent Surveys, Ltd. - Pollsters to The Weekly.

The Pits Survey is part of Mil's House of Apology.