Sounds, eh? Where would we be without them?

In a silent world there'd be no music, no speech and our ears would just be absurd pieces of flappy flesh sticking out of the sides of our heads. Lucky, then, that a random genetic mutation a dizzyingly long time ago enabled some snot-like creature to sense vibrations in gases or liquids as 'noise'. Imagine what a stunner that must have been for it. "Bugger me!", it no doubt said to its companions "did you hear that?" - and they would have looked back, bemused, as if you say "Hear?"

But I'm not here to discuss such epic things. I am here merely to list some of the finest sounds on Earth for your consideration. I did think of linking each one to a .wav file, so that you could download a genuine, auditory example. However, I decided that a compressed, 8-bit file dragged across the internet to be played on some tinny computer speaker would not do justice to these noises. Nor could I be bothered.

Apologies, therefore if some of them are out of your grasp. I understand the global nature of the WWW, and that you may be sitting in a very different country and culture to mine. For example, you might live in France, perhaps, and a decent toilet is merely the stuff of outlandish fantasy. Or you might be in Manchester's lively Moss Side area where the noise of police sirens and crashing joyriders drowns out all else. I am sorry about, but powerless to correct, such things.

On with the sounds. Hear these before you die. Because afterwards it'll be too late. Obviously.

  • The sound of the auto-wind on expensive cameras.

  • The sound of something going up the hoover.

  • The sound of a, still glowing, dog-end been thrown into a toilet bowl.

  • The sound of the 'woooof' when a gas fire finally lights.

  • The sound of stiletto heels clickity-clicking across a hard surface.

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